Hugs will Change our World
The other day as I picked up my oldest from high school, I noticed how many kids were coming out of the school staring at their phones. I only saw a couple of students without a phone in hand.
My 14-year-old just got his phone last month as he entered high school. He had been begging us for years but we were able to put him off. According to a study done in 2010, he is now among the 85% of 14- to 17-year-olds who have their own cell phones—a number that doubled since 2004 and I’m sure has increased since that study was published.
I get it—cell phones are a way to stay in touch but they have completely changed our homes, our communities, and our children. We often tell our children about a day not too long ago when you actually had to be home in order to talk to someone who had called; a day when a response wasn’t always immediate; a day when people only heard how a vacation was after returning, and pictures were rarely seen. Now people are able to reach you most anytime, anywhere. Social media enables people to post only the things they want to share creating a false reality.
While phones are a great tool, they are also a huge distraction.
I am as guilty as the next person of staring at my phone. I’ve noticed I look at it instead of engaging with others. I mindlessly scroll through Instagram or Pinterest as my child reads to me. For some reason, if it’s there I need to look at it. Our society is definitely changing because of these little handheld computers. Some things about these devices are great and amazing. Other things are terrifying including what it is doing to our health.
How Cell Phones are Affecting our Health
Who knows the exact affects we will find this technology has on our physical bodies, but the affect it has on our minds is already astounding.
A few weeks ago, my boys and I attended a presentation about electronics led by Colin Kartchner. It was no surprise to hear that suicide rates have increased, anxiety is more prevalent and many people are just plain “miserable” because of social media.
Don’t get me wrong—I love seeing my friends’ pictures of their travels to Europe, Mexico, New York City and all the fun they are having—but I do catch myself thinking, how come I’m not going anywhere fun? I’m mature enough to know that just because they are posting all these fun pictures doesn’t mean that there aren’t things going on in real life that isn’t necessarily fun. Most teens and tweens with phones, however, don’t always think that.
Damaging Relationships
The comparison trap social media causes is dangerous and so are the games and apps being created. Developers hire neurophysicists to create games to be addicting (don’t even get me started on Fortnite—I seriously loathe that game!). The scary thing about these video games is that playing them releases a hormone in the brain called dopamine—the same hormone released when someone takes drugs.
Dopamine is a good chemical to release as it is the chemical that motivates you to take action toward achieving a goal. It helps you feel accomplished. But the ugly side of dopamine is that it is often responsible for addiction. Some studies have shown that playing video games can be more effective in treating pain than morphine. I admit, a video game to help with pain may be better than an opioid, but this just shows how powerful these games are being created and how addicting they can be.
Not only that, but games are ruining relationships. Kids are spending less time with friends because they can feel “connected” with them on their devices. Marriages are suffering because people don’t know how to have a conversation face-to-face. More kids are being bullied as someone hides behind a screen saying things they would never dare say in person.
FOMO & KOBLO
What the heck is FOMO? I had never heard this but it stands for the Fear Of Missing Out.
It was interesting to hear Kartchner emphasize to the audience to “experience the moments rather than showing the world we were there.”
To illustrate this he showed two photos of Tiger Woods playing in the same tournament only a few years apart. In the most recent photo, you notice that all but one spectator has his cell phone up trying to capture the moment. The photo from a few years ago showed everyone watching intently as Woods chipped out of the sand. No one is holding up a phone, people are there, experiencing the moment.
I had noticed this same thing as we watched Woods complete the last hole of the Tour Championship of Atlanta on TV. The crowd followed Woods up the fairway—all with phones, recording the moment. I’m sure it was exciting to see Woods win after not having a victory on the tour for more than five years, but how much of that moment did they actually experience? And how much of that experience was lost because their focus was on getting the moment on their phone?
When Kartchner talked about FOMO, I actually thought social media contributes more to KOBLO—my acronym for the Knowledge Of Being Left Out. Have any of you seen a post of some old girlfriends that got together for dinner and you weren’t invited? I would have been just fine not knowing there was a get together. Ignorance is bliss in my mind. It’s the same for teens—discovering they weren’t invited to a party lowers self-esteem and contributes to knowing they’ve been intentionally left out.
Preventing Negative Effects
So, how can we stop some of these affects cell phones are having on us?
Realistically we aren’t going to all go get our kids flip phones as Kartchner suggested. As much as I love the idea behind that, we need to teach our kids how to use their cell phones responibily. It’s only a matter of time before they receive a phone and they need to know how to properly use it.
Limit Time Spent on Phones
We can accept phones as a part of our every day lives but we should do something else to combat the negative effects. Start by being aware of how much time you spend on your phone.
The new iOS (sadly) keeps track of your screen time and keeps track of how many times you pick up your phone throughout the day. When you see how much time you are spending on social media, you may want to delete some apps. It’s very eye opening to see where you are spending time while on your phone.
Remember, kids learn by example, so as a parent start setting the right example for your children.
Educate Children on the Dangers
Help children understand the consequences of cyber bullying. Teach them about predators and what they can do. Set rules for what apps and websites they can spend time one. And be aware that kids are smart, they can find anything on the internet—even if you put on all the apps and filters to try to protect them.
My children know that at any moment, I will look at their phone. I will read their texts and will look at their screen time habits. They know if they are caught doing or saying something that is not acceptable, there will be consequences.
Delete Snapchat
I must say I had a proud parent moment while sitting there listening to Kartchner. He called Snapchat “the devil.” I’ve never understood it, so I have not allowed my child to get the app. Listening to the reasons children shouldn’t have Snapchat, I actually felt like I had done something right as a parent without learning the hard way.
Snapchat allows you to record something and send it—three seconds later, it’s deleted. So many things are wrong with that concept especially when you factor in teens that have yet to mature and fully develop their brains.
Hug More Often
In this electronic age, people seem to be more connected than ever. I have reunited with high school friends, former college classmates and ex-coworkers. It’s so easy and convenient to keep in touch via text or social media, but there is something different about today’s interactions. People are actually less connected and feel more loneliness.
Conversations via text or email fail to exhibit the emotion in someone’s voice. People aren’t making an effort to connect with others because either they, or the other person, is staring at their phone. There is far less physical connections happening in today’s world.
We need to stop clinging to our phones and start hugging—that’s right, a hug will change the world. A hug results in the release of oxytocin—another feel good chemical that results in trust and strengthening relationships. The chemical has physical and psychological effects, including influencing social behavior and emotion, according to an article published on Medical News Today.
A friend of mine recently went to an orphanage in Haiti. Her time was mostly spent holding the children there. It’s very sad to think of all the people in the world who don’t get enough of that physical attention resulting in good behavior and healthy emotions.
Today’s generation is being exposed to so much—often resulting in behavior that is considered disruptive, disrespectful and disheartened. They aren’t getting the attention they need. Our youth is being influenced by the unrealistic lives portrayed on social media. Addictive behaviors are being at an early age. We need to save our children. Let’s join the crusade to change the world and hug someone today.