March 9March 15 Aubrey Pettinger

Finding Happiness and Being Significant

Life

Midlife is different than what I thought it would be. I imagined I’d have a perfect family that never bickered, a perfect house that was always clean, and a husband with a great job making great money allowing us to do whatever we wanted. I’d be able to update and redecorate my home, take my kids shopping whenever they needed something and go on vacation during every school break. That is far from my reality. Don’t get me wrong—I do have a great little family and a pretty awesome husband, but my house isn’t exactly how I want it, the money isn’t exactly growing on the trees and life has thrown us more challenges than I ever expected. On top of all that, I feel a little lost in this stage of life as I’m trying to figure out my role as a mom of kids that still need me, but not as much as they used to.

I have been blessed to have spent the last 12 years mostly at home raising kids, but I’ve always tried to keep one foot in the door of the business world. I’ve had some freelance clients here and there and used to help my mom run her bakery, so I’ve haven’t been completely out of the working world. But I’m not ready to join corporate America full-time just yet. I want to be available for my kids. Plus, living in a small community makes it tough to find a good paying job that will utilize my skills.

We live in the community I grew up in, but, boy, has it changed! I knew everyone in my graduating class. You couldn’t go to the grocery store or drive down Main Street without seeing someone you knew. Now, the beautiful valley has attracted many newcomers and has more than tripled its population the past 30 years.

Growth brings issues and last night I attended the 29th annual Issues Conference—a free event featuring speakers addressing issues in our community. I had no idea this event had been going on for that long and was very impressed with the information I got out of it.

The keynote speaker, Dr. Hank Smith, spoke about being happy. Depression has become a huge issue over the past 30 years. The state I live in has the highest suicide rate in the United States. No wonder this topic was addressed. Smith explained depression as a chemical problem, not a character problem. Anyone who is depressed should seek medical help, but happiness is something we have control over.

This morning, I made myself a cup of tea. On the tea bag, there is a tag with a message that said: Happiness is an accomplishment. I consider myself a pretty happy person. And when Smith talked about the 10 things that happy people do, I pretty much did all of them most days. But when Smith talked about the three levels of happiness, my ears perked up. It was interesting to hear what level of happiness I found myself.

Level 1: Pleasure

Anyone under the age of 20 is considered to be experiencing “pleasure” happiness. This type of happiness is fairly easy to achieve. It’s simply easier to make someone younger in age happier than an adult. Smith compared them to puppies saying if you feed them, play with them, provide them with a home, they are usually happy. A study he referenced determined children laugh 300 times a day, while adults only laugh 15.

Level 2: Passion

The next level of happiness is reached between the ages of 20-40 years old. This is called “passion.” People are discovering their hobbies and working toward something they really care about—a career, a family, buying a home. During this phase of happiness, time really flies.

Level 3: Higher Purpose

In this level of happiness, people are trying to find more purpose in life. They are seeking to be a part of something that is bigger than them.

Level 3 is where I find myself today. Striving to help others achieve what they want to achieve and trying to make a difference in someone else’s life.

Clint Pulver, another speaker at the conference, asked how many people in the room had someone that made a difference in their life. Who were they? They weren’t celebrities, the richest people, or professional athletes. They were parents, teachers, coaches—people that believed someone was capable of more than they thought. Those were the people who were significant to their lives. According to Pulver, being significant is better than being successful.

As I thought of who made a difference in my life, of course, my parents came to mind. I have a great mother and father that cheered (and continue to cheer) me on every step of the way. They’ve always encouraged me to chase after that next dream. The other person that came to mind was Lisa Snedeker. I consider her my mentor. Snedeker was one of my college professors. She helped me find and develop my writing skills as a young journalist. She helped me get the experience I needed to jump start my career by offered me my first job after graduating from college. She saw potential in me and taught me so much.

Now, in my 40’s, I find myself wanting to help others. Pulver said more than 80% of adults hate what they do. They don’t see themselves as having purpose. I know my purpose—a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a mom to my children helping them see their potential, but I want to be influential in helping others as well. I don’t have it all figured out, in fact, I often find myself reaching out to others for help. But I have learned a few things along my journey and want to share with others in hopes it will help them.

Make a Bucket List

Pulver challenged everyone to make a bucket list. Writing down goals and dreams on a list makes them real. He shared a story about his bucket list. A bucket list is something you HAVE to do. One of his items was to be in a movie. He told how he went to a casting call having no idea what to do, but he put himself out there because it was on his “list.” Five call backs later, Pulver had a part in a film. He would have never been able to cross that off if he didn’t try!

I haven’t made my bucket list, but one thing I’ve always wanted to do is start a blog. So, I am putting myself out there and crossing that off (as soon as I make that list).

Another item on my list would be to declutter and organize my home. I know, pretty boring bucket list, right? But I truly believe if I can be more organized and our home is more organized, I will find more time to spend with my family doing all the fun stuff. Pulver reminded us “little by little makes a little a lot.” So, little by little, I will be making changes in my home and try not to be overwhelmed with everything that I want to do. I will be sharing my trails and errors in hopes it will help you in some way.

Pulver encouraged us to focus on to being “significant, not successful.” To me, being significant to someone else and helping them realize their significance IS success. Through success you can find happiness. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.”